Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Rooting out the truth

Serious tactical error by Günther Parsifal McParshnipp, locking us in a cupboard. Did he really think we wouldn't be able to get out of there? Did he not realize that by not separating us that we would come up with a plan together? Of course we did both of those things almost immediately. Once we were free and before we sprung into action, I brought up a point to consider.
ME: You know, maybe this guy isn't completely off base here. Misguided, sure. Overly ambitious, definitely. But the world could probably benefit from more rooted vegetables in our global diet. Corn and grapes in abundance!
JEFF: Corn isn't a rooted vegetable.
MICHAEL: And grapes aren't even a vegetable at all.
As frequently happens, they missed my point. And I didn't have time right then and there to explain how vegetables work, in that they grow on trees and trees have roots. So I just dropped it for the time being.

Considering Günther Parsifal McParshnipp's fascination with rooted vegetables, it made sense that the nerve center of his operation would be in the cellar of the building we were in. Sure enough, it was. We knew we had to make our way down there and smash people and stuff. As we proceeded, we found things along the way that gave us insight into the mind with which we were dealing.
In his book case...
On his CD player...
On his 'fridge behind a magnet shaped like a carrot...
And of course, buckets and barrels and bins full of veggies...
ME: I bet he root, root, roots for the home team
JEFF: Nice.
MICHAEL: Good one.
ME: Thanks!
JEFF: But what is his home team? I can't think of any roots-based sports organizations
MICHAEL: For that matter, where's his home? He's Scotch/German. How does that happen?
ME: And who's Jimmy?
JEFF: If I'm not mistaken, Haguelands Village (Burmarsh Romney Marsh Burmarsh, KEN TN29 0JR) is a farming community and known for its alpacas. It's located between Scotland and Germany. Maybe that's where he was born and raised.
MICHAEL: By Jimmy, I believe you're correct! 
He was!

ME: Do alpacas eat rooted vegetables?
JEFF: No, they're modified ruminants which means they chew cud like a cow or deer.
MICHAEL: They eat hay and grass.
ME: So, like grass... roots?

But would any of this newly-acquired info about the obsession driving our foe and his possible point of origin be of any use in bringing him to heel? Find out Friday!!

No comments:

Post a Comment