Fail mail

Hoo boy, do we ever get letters. Sadly, many of them are total wastes of time that don't even merit answers. Like these:

Dear Unbelievables,
You have an Unbelievabase, Unbelievamobiles and Unbelievababes. Why don't you have an Unbelieveachoo-choo? What do you have against choo-choos? Are you not aware that the choo-choo is the reason that America was settled from coast to coast and became the greatest industrialized nation on earth? Are you too good to ride the rails and fight crime? Buy a choo-choo for Pete's sake!

Sincerely,
Pete Gordon
Choo-Choo Liquidators

Dear Unbelievables,
If you're so great, how come I don't see you on my World Cup bracket?
PS: Stay away from my girlfriend while I'm in Brasil.

Sincerely,
Cristiano Ronaldo

Dear Unbelievables,
I'm here to present a mystery to you that will test you like none other has. You see my car keys... Oops, there they are. Never mind.

Sincerely,
Stanley Limpwhistle

Dear Unbelievables,
I want to follow you guys around and document your adventures, basically serving as an unofficial official biographer. I would provide this service free of charge if you just let me sniff your fingers from time to time. What do you say?

Sincerely,
Cecil Pepperschmidt

Sigh.