Testing Our Patience

Clark and Michael have already talked about some of the products we have been called upon to test - some successful, others not. Below are some of the ones that were instantly rejected, along with the case notes. Some of these products are actually available, though. Seems some people get upset when you tell them their invention is worthless, and they go ahead and market the thing anyway out of spite. So here goes...

#1 - The Watermelon Knife

Inventor: Mr. U. Sliss

"This product, while made of sturdy materials and having superior cutting abilities, is essentially the same as any other sharp kitchen knife, with the exception of the brightly coloured handle, and is therefore superfluous to human requirements."

  #2 - The Giant Condom for maximum protection
 Appeeniss Corp.

"oh come on... for real? Geddouttahere."

#3 - Butter Stick - for people with no knives

"Sheesh! Just go to the store and buy a knife!"

#4 - Picnic Pants

Invented by Phil Yerpants

"Never heard of napkins? Tablecloths? I mean, really!"

#5 - Tandem Toilet

"Looks very cool, but impossible to open. Who has more than one toilet in their bathroom anyway? What is the point?"

#6 - Tissue Head - for people who constantly need to blow their nose and don't want to go through all the hassle of carrying a Kleenex pocket pack in their damn pockets

"It would seem that your life would be made instantly worse by wearing one of these ridiculous contraptions. Bumping into things and getting openly mocked by your peers, to be specific."

#7 - Ctrl-Alt-Delete tool - for use by people with only one hand who are still running Win98.

"Kind of a niche market, don't you think? Plus, it would have to be adjustable for different size keyboards - how would a one-handed person accomplish that?"

#8 - DVD Rewinder, for idiots

"This is a joke, right?"

#9 - Lipstick Aimer

"Lady, if you're not aware of where your lips are by now, then it's spectacles you need, not this thing."

#10 - Tidy Slippers

"Gag gift only."

So there you have it. We not only test products for their usefulness but we (try to) keep stupidity from invading your local store shelves. You are welcome.

Ciao!