Monday, November 11, 2013

No end to the fiendish villains we face

Q: What's more evil genius-y than people with enormous heads (like Simon Bar Sinister or Megamind)?
Q2: What's creepier than twin girls (like in The Shining)?
A: The combination of both of those horrible things.
Ladies and gentlemen, behold Fiona and Fetlana, The Fivehead Twins (not to be confused with the Klumpmasterflash Twins).
Proof that they're creepy? They're 35-years-old in this picture.
Starved for attention ever since their starstruck mother (also a villain in her own rite, the henious Stagemom whose catchphrase, "Who wants to be the next Dana Plato?", instills terror in all those who hear it) failed to get them steady work as child actresses, the Fivehead Twins concentrated on training their enormous brains to emit mind control over others. They succeeded in developing a technique that would actually display subliminal messages on their foreheads like an image on a movie screen at a drive-in movie theatre, albeit slightly smaller. Over the years, the messages they've attempted to inflict upon the general population include, "DEAD ROCK STARS CAN'T BE WRONG; HEROIN IS GOOD!", "SAVE TIME; TEXT AND DRIVE!" and "CALL (904) 633-2000 FOR JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS SEASON TICKETS". We've battled them for years, always coming out victorious, always by simply making them wear hats. We've gone so far as lining them up with legit advertising jobs (Fiona was named employee of the month once by Anheuser Busch) but they always seem to stray from the path of good back to their evil ways.
Of course, there are many more minor-league menaces out there. The guys will share some experiences with them later this week.

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