Wednesday, December 7, 2016

The ICC and those who get it wrong


The ICC is a great event and it's just a shame that we don't get to attend as often as we like. But every time we DO attend, we know one particular thing will go wrong... because that one particular thing ALWAYS goes wrong. And it's because of cofusion caused by the name of the conference itself:
The International Conference of Crime
Somewhat understandably, criminals think it's a conference for them. The name of the event should probably be "The International Conference of Crime Prevention" or "The International Conference of Crime Fighting" but the ICC spent a lot of money on a professionally designed logo...

The mistake made by evil-doers is only somewhat understandable because it's an annual conference and you'd think they'd figure it out after years and years of showing up and immediately being out of their element. Nope.
Besides, their logo looks like this...
International Conference For Criminals
And is held here...



Here are some of the dopes that showed up at the ICC again this year, who show up every year, and were immediately dispatched (as they are every year).
Solly Murtaugh
Every year, Solly shows up hoping to meet a vendor at the trade show who sells non-opaque pantyhose that he can use as a mask to hide his identity while he commits armed stick-ups. This year, he actually wore the tights (that he buys at Lane Bryant) to the conference itself. Behind him you see crime fighters who were reluctant to apprehend him out of his misery because they were in line for free coozies being given out by one of the security vendors. Makes sense because those things keep a beverage so cold!

Harv & Murray
Every year, these clowns show up, looking for child-proofing seminars. Of course, they never find such a thing and wind up falling down the stairs or into an empty elevator shaft or somehow getting smacked in the head with paint cans. Less criminals than insurance liability nightmares.


Alejandro Aha (aka Idea Man)
This guy will sit patiently through any number of presentations and discussions, until (what he thinks is) the perfect moment to jump and exclaim, "And THAT'S when we kill them!" Credible or not, a threat is a threat.

Monday, December 5, 2016

The ICC







More often than not, The Unbelievables don't wait for things to happen. We make things happen.

But, in this particular case, we were glad to have waited for the opportunity.

The International Conference of Crime (The ICC) rears its head to gather some of the best crime fighting groups and individuals from around the globe. It's an interesting get-together, sporadically appearing at various times and never at the same time of year or location. With a mere month's notice of any of the conferences, not all champions of defense and do-goodery are able to make the event. Or are offered an invite for that matter.

This year was one of the times our calendar allowed us to attend.

The ICC is a series of meet and greets, sit downs, interactive workshops and more centered on quashing the actions of ne'er-do-wells and their malfeasance. The three-day affair also hosts a lavish end-of-conference dinner which is one of the highlights of the event, complete with special emphasis on those in attendance who have gone above and beyond in their efforts to put misconduct in its place.

Of course, The Unbelievables - with all our globetrotting adventures - we're keynote speakers. We were afforded the opportunity to call out some of our most daring adventures, much to the delight of all those in attendance.



The quiet before the storm:
A glimpse of one of the lecture rooms an hour prior to our Unbelieva-Fu® lecture.

We even got to head up a panel featuring our signature Unbelieva-Fu® methods of discipline ... which, as it turned out, blossomed into a surprise threesome of lectures because of its popularity. (Bonus: We have a hefty amount of new orders for our Kickin' Jeans with DiamondCrotch® technology.)


Plus, we devoted a minute on some of the Matt Damon / Jason Bourne film consultations.
Doesn't hurt to showcase a high point or two every now and again.

Needless to say, with our highlighted attendance, The ICC was a smashing proceeding this year ...



Me and Stevie Nicks in the midst of an Unbelieva-Fu® session.
Yes, long ago Stevie signed up for some personal one-on-one instruction.
I was happy to oblige ...
  
... but it wasn't without a few instances of drama.

Clark and Jeff will fill you in on a couple of those points later in the week.


Friday, December 2, 2016

Game boys!


The guys have done such a great job of listing so many of the great features of The Unbelievables video game that I can't believe they forgot one of the very best ones: YOU can put YOURSELF into the game!

Simply upload a picture of your face:

Apply a filter, if you like (optional):
Choose a body style:
Armored


Stylish


Michael

Female

And you're ready to go, a virtual Unbelieveable saving a virtual world from all manner of virtual villainy!

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Add The Unbelievables To Your Christmas List!


The fantastic "The Unbelievables" game in stores now!
Ready to stuff a Christmas stocking!
Offered in a highly-prized retro package as shown, too!
(Boot wearin' Unbelieva-Babe not included)


Notoriety sometimes has its downsides, you know.

And, in our case, that of The Unbelievables, it goes without saying.

But we're big boys. We can handle it. In most instances the notoriety is nothing more than sour grapes from some jealous source who can't handle the truth, that The Unbelievables' standards are merely dreams to them, attainability that's simply out of reach.

Especially to our villainous foes.

Case in point: The new Unbelievables multi-level gaming extravaganza titularly titled The Unbelievables. (Original!) There's so much tasty goodness in each playing level (not to mention within the bonus play areas of the game such as the aforementioned
Clark's Defenestration Station) that hours and hours of fun are guaranteed for the entire family.

Here are a few features of the game to tickle your fancy:

 Multiple player formats so you can share all the excitement with your friends and family!

 
Hundreds of realistic disguises! No game play is ever the same!

Secret, unlockable levels such as the challenging "The Telephone Game" ...

Tons of weapons to choose from, many geared specifically for the ladies!
(Hello, Ladies!)
 
Realistic worlds, venues and backgrounds ...
 
Heinous villains, some female! *shudder*

 "I play The Unbelievables! You should, too!"
Celebrity tested and endorsed ...

... and by some rather unexpected celebrities.
(Don't worry, Jane Goodall. We won't leak your secret obsession!)


Of course, our villains will have a tough time navigating the various levels of The Unbelievables. But we're sure they'll buy it just so they can delve in and try to unlock some of our successes. Good luck, ne'er-do-wells!

Even Santa approves of The Unbelievables. Put it on your wish list!




Monday, November 28, 2016

Having A Smashing Thanksgiving

Well, as you may or may not have noticed, it was Thanksgiving last week.However, we were still reeling from Clark's unfortunate moment of incarceration and his troubles with Henri Petit and the now-disgraced Officer Sixpack Bicep and were too tired to do anything about Turkey Day Dinner. However, the Unbelievababes were on hand, saw how down in the dumps we were and pulled out all the stops to make our Thanksgiving a pleasant and happy one.


It was unseasonably warm on Thursday here in Stiletto Flats, so Barby Kewribbs whipped out the charcoal grill and got some spatchcocked pheasant starters sizzling and getting our mouths watering.


Then the beautiful Sue Donymm surprised us with some whoppers, glistening and moist and ready to be tasted. Turkeys, that is.


There were some lovely side dishes prepared by the delightful Jill O'Salad...

and the groaning board was a sight to behold.


The whole thing was so enjoyable that we completely forgot about all that unpleasantness with Petit.

Well, almost completely. Clark spent a couple hours playing his newest favourite video game - The Unbelievables (in stores just in time for Christmas, folks!) - specifically the special level named Clark's Defenestration Station where you can relive again and again some of Clark's best out-of-window-kicking-and-chuckings (see below).









Ciao!

Friday, November 25, 2016

You Can Probably Deduce What Happened ...




Here's what we did about it:

Officer Sixpack Bicep of the Stiletto Flats Police Department appeared to be on steroids. Steroids, as it turns out, are a big fat no-no in the "illegal substance statute" that falls under several Stiletto Flats penal codes. So, putting in motion a rumor that Officer Bicep might be partaking of such to some of the higher ups in the department?

Boom. Instant dismissal of charges.


Which was almost as instant as the dismissal of Officer Sixpack Bicep of the Stiletto Flats Police Department. See you later Officer Bicep! And your nepotism-laced ways, too. Pretty easy stuff.

The bigger remaining question ("Why?") was rather simple to answer: It was because of Petit and his vindictive nature.

Naturally, once Clark was sprung from the slammer, he went directly to the little twit's hangout and unceremoniously did this to him:




And (while it wasn't exactly politically correct or even nice to have done so) Jeff and I watched in admiration as Petit eventually went kersplat on the pavement below.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

It's Not What You Know, It's Who You Know

On Monday, Clark posed a pertinent question:

 "Henri Petit was able to put ME, an actual card-carrying Unbelieveable IN JAIL! How?? WHY?!? Does he have a better lawyer than we do?"

Good point. Who IS Petit's lawyer, anyhoo?

A little digging turned this up.



None other than his lawyer cousin, Harry McLittle. His lawyer motto? This.


And that's not all. Harry McLittle's brother-in-law? This guy.


Officer Tony 'Tiny' Small, with the Tahlequah, OK Police Dept. And his second cousin twice removed on his mother's side? THIS guy.


Detective Inspector Jock McTitch of Scotland Yard. And HIS best friend?


Wee Seamus O'Nipper, the world's most dapper leprechaun. And HIS brother-in-law?


Officer Sixpack Bicep of the Stiletto Flats Police Dept. 


So now we know who greased whose palms in order to get Clark banged up in the slammer. The question remains...


WHY?


And WHAT are we gonna do about it?